There is so much that i wanna be. So much that i want to show others... so much that people dont see...so much! I'm not just a dits...Shocker right? I'm so tired of everyone seeing my that way. I know most love me and think its cute and is all good fun...but then im forever sterotyped as a dits! And that isn't all of me! There is more... some notice it, some don't belive it... but there is more to me then this energetic smiley girl...
First off, let me just say, i can take jokes... I suck at comebacks though i'll admit it... im not that quick! My defense to some is "your mean" but doesn't meen i took it seriously!But when Jokes start to hit something personl...that points out a flaw... it erks me...beacause I notices my own flaws more than anyone...trust me.I know most ppl don't realize that their jokes get to me...but still...I want to be Respected! I want to be taken seriously! Not the laugh in everyones jokes...
Yes i say dumb things... i have since i was little, some of it my family still makes fun of me for.. .but i know they meen it in a loving way! I say random things os "Random thoughts" I tend to get defensive about certain things.. .that is because i am never sure if the joke was aimed at me... or what. I am cautiouse... cuz i tend to be gullable (its just me...not me being a dits!) so i never now if people are joking or being sarcastic, or just teasing me.
I space out... and tend to jump into conversations late, thus embarrasing myself...doesn't meen im blonde!
Sometimes i don't get things right away, things sometimes need to be broken down to me slowly...its not because I'm dumb... its just how i am. I can't help how i am, nor can anyone else! Maybe i am this way cuz i was born 8 weeks early and only weighed 3 1/2 pounds?! I dunno but i just want ppl to know that im not just a dits! I hear it more and more and its starting to get to me... and i want to just vent and let it go, before i snap! Cuz then id be known as a spaz... and thats the last thing i want!
I am intelligent, I am smart...I may not be brilliant in school, i may not get straight A's and 4.0 GPA.
I am just human, i mess up, make mistakes, and blunders. But I think, i ponder... im artistic, that is a strength, I care about others more than some of you will ever know...that is a posative...So why do i feel like others look down on me, or talk down to me!? Why do i feel cornerd by some, and ridiculed by others? Is it because i come off as a child? As a dits? You all may say im looking into this way too much, go ahead i don't care! Cuz im sick of feeling like this, and if this is the only way for others to repect me, to take me serisouly, to stop seeing me as a child...then I will go off and let everyone know... there is a hell of a lot more to me then Anyone knows, then I know...And others, or I will ever find out...
This isn't direceted to anyone in particular...this is just me burning off steam...yea surprise... i get angry...but i just needed to let some of this go, for my sake and everyone elses. I do love all who read this, I love all of you as friends and sisters and brothers in Christ...some of our friendships are deeper then others... and some i do not know very well...but just to let you know... I want to. I want to know you, I want to know more of each of you. Because I am a friend and im interested in whats going on in your guyses lives... you don't have to tell me everything about you, i understand that if you don't, but at least you know, i am more then willing to listen and find out more about you. As cheesy as that sounds, its true.
I've said my peace...
God Speed...
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